They believed it

I spent many hours on the telephone with girlfriends when I was a teenager. I'd sit on the floor in my mother's room leaning against her bed. We didn't have much to talk about, and many times we'd just eat snacks and watch tv together while on the phone. I'm not a big conversaltionalist, never have been.

One time I remember talking to my girlfriend Mary Anne on the phone one day when we were out of school due to a snow day. She and her sister were raised by a single mom who worked at the GE factory in the next town. Their house was quiet. In my house were six kids and two parents, an assortment of family pets and always someone's friend over. I always thought my personality was so different from my siblings that I must have been adopted. I was a quiet, introspective child, didn't talk much. My siblings are loud and boisterous and talk a lot.

So I was sitting on the floor with the phone in my ear and our conversation was dull as usual. It was snowing outside and cold and I was bored. I wanted to liven things up. I made a loud noise opening a drawer of my mother's bedside night stand. I gasped out loud. Mary Anne asked me what was wrong. I inhaled loudly. I told her I found some papers that looked important with my name on them. She asked me what they said. I told her something about blood type and something about adoption and something about sealed records. She completely believed me. The next day at lunch time in the cafeteria she told our other girlfriend that I had just discovered yesterday that I had been adopted. My other girlfriend didn't believe her. I told her I saw the paperwork and it had my blood type on it. Something about that made her believe. For the rest of that school year, my two girlfriends believed my lie. I expanded on it at odd times, told them I understood now why I was the only blonde in the family.

My mother tells everyone she named me after Mary, the mother of Jesus, because she wanted a girl so badly. I created a fantasy world where my mother adopted me out of fear she'd never have a girl. Once she did, she got pregnant with my sister. Why did I create such a bizarre story and expand on it over time? Maybe because I was the odd one out in the house. My siblings excelled and took first place in science fair exhibits, piano recitals, ice skating. They all had talents and outlets for those talents. I could sing, but my mother had been on the stage and sang opera so I couldn't compete there. I could ice skate but we couldn't afford lessons when I was growing up. I could play piano but taught myself and still have trouble with the bass notes because I never took lessons. Again, we could not afford lessons when I was growing up. But lessons were affordable for my younger siblings. And they got honors and praise for their efforts. That made me disappear even more.

The fact is the only paper I found in the drawer that day was a receipt from a drugstore. I was lying, or perhaps creating for myself another world in which I was the star rather than the one who blended into the background. Psychologists would probably have something to say about my desire for attention. But I did not attempt to get attention at home. It was best to keep quiet, stay out of trouble. But at school my girlfriends looked up to me as their leader, their star. This story seemed to lift me a little higher in their regard but I'm not really sure why.

The day before school ended for the summer, I told them I had made it all up. They didn't believe me. They thought I was lying.